A Letter to my Inner People Pleaser
People pleasing is considered a behavioral pattern where an individual prioritizes the approval and acceptance of others over their own needs, desires, and values. People-pleasers often go to great lengths to make others happy and avoid conflict or disapproval, even at the expense of their well-being. Many people experience people-pleasing behavior, even your therapists!
This week, we wanted to share a personal letter written from Kindred Roots Therapist, Nicole Mullen, on her own journey with people-pleasing tendencies.
This behavior can have both positive and negative aspects, which Nicole outlines in her letter to herself. We applaud Nicole for sharing her personal journey and hope as a reader you can connect and relate to her experiences. Remember, you are not alone in these challenges, and we understand how difficult these feelings can be.
Dear Me,
I hope this letter finds you well, as I take a moment to acknowledge your presence within me. You have been an integral part of my life, and it is only fitting to address you and express my thoughts and feelings towards your role in shaping who I am today.
Throughout my life, you have been my loyal companion, ensuring that I keep the peace and harmony in my relationships. Your guidance has been a blessing, preventing me from getting into trouble and safeguarding the happiness of those around me. For that, I am grateful. Your efforts have undoubtedly contributed to the stability and positive atmosphere in my interactions with others.
However, I have come to realize that while your intentions were noble, you have also had unintended consequences on my journey of self-discovery. For a long time, I struggled to accept that people-pleasing could be a double-edged sword. It has been tough to comprehend that seeking approval and making others happy can suppress my true self. By constantly prioritizing the needs of others, I sometimes lost touch with my own desires, dreams, and aspirations. A trait that I hope to not pass on to my son.
In this realization, I have learned that it is essential for me to embrace and cherish my authentic self. I want to honor my feelings, interests, and the things that bring me genuine happiness. It has been challenging to break free from the fear of disappointing others and recognize that my happiness matters too.
I must confess that learning about my people-pleasing tendencies has made me quite anxious at times. There have been moments when I found myself overanalyzing my actions, wondering if I am genuinely being authentic or simply falling into old patterns of people-pleasing. This internal struggle has consumed my thoughts, leaving me unsure of my identity and self-worth.
But despite the anxiety and uncertainties, I believe this self-awareness is crucial for growth. Understanding the impact of people-pleasing on my life allows me to make conscious choices moving forward. I want to be able to strike a balance between caring for others and caring for myself. I want to find harmony between being empathetic and being true to my own needs.
Inner People Pleaser, you have served me well in the past, and I appreciate your positive intentions. But now, I kindly ask for your support in this new phase of my life. Please understand that it is time for me to explore my authentic self and discover the happiness that comes from within. I promise that this journey will not diminish my care and love for others; instead, it will allow me to bring even more genuine compassion into my relationships.
With compassion and gratitude,